The First Week Guide
The first week sets the tone for the entire placement. Whether you're a family welcoming an au pair or an au pair starting a new role, these practical tips will help you build trust and settle in.
For Families
Show them around
Give your au pair a full tour of your home on day one. Show them where everything is — kitchen supplies, cleaning products, first aid kit, spare keys, and the children's rooms. Write down emergency numbers (your own, a neighbour, your pediatrician, 10111 for police, and 10177 for ambulance) and stick them on the fridge.
Pro tip: If your au pair is live-in, make sure their room is ready before they arrive — clean linen, towels, Wi-Fi password, and a small welcome note go a long way.
Introduce routines
Walk through a typical day together. Cover wake-up times, school drop-off and pick-up, meal times, homework, bath time, and bedtime. If your children have specific routines (a favourite bedtime story, a food they won't eat, a comfort item), mention these on day one.
Pro tip: Print or write out the weekly schedule and put it somewhere visible. It takes the pressure off everyone while routines are being learned.
Set expectations clearly
Go over duties, working hours, breaks, and house rules in detail — even if they're already in the contract. Cover specifics: screen time limits, discipline approach, whether friends can visit, use of the car, and what happens if a child gets sick. Clarity now prevents conflict later.
Pro tip: Frame expectations as a conversation, not a lecture. Ask your au pair if they have questions or concerns too.
Start slowly
Don't hand over full responsibility on day one. Spend the first two or three days together so your au pair can shadow you, learn your children's personalities, and understand how your household runs. Gradually increase their independence over the first week.
Pro tip: A half-day solo on day three or four is a good first test. Be available by phone but give them space to find their rhythm.
Daily check-ins
Set aside 10 minutes at the end of each day during the first week to talk about how things went. Ask what went well, what was tricky, and whether they need anything. This builds trust and catches small issues before they become big ones.
Pro tip: Keep check-ins positive and constructive. "How did bedtime go?" works better than "Did anything go wrong?"
Be patient
Adjustment takes time — for your children, your au pair, and your family. The first week won't be perfect, and that's normal. Your children may test boundaries, your au pair may make small mistakes, and routines will take a few tries to stick. Give it at least two weeks before evaluating.
Pro tip: Remember that your au pair is also adjusting to a new home, new children, and a new routine. A little empathy goes a long way.
For Au Pairs
Ask questions
No question is too small in the first week. If you're not sure how to use the stove, where the plasters are, or whether the children are allowed sweets after school — ask. Families would much rather you ask than guess wrong.
Pro tip: Keep a running list of questions on your phone so you can ask them all during your daily check-in rather than interrupting throughout the day.
Learn the children's names and preferences quickly
Make an effort to learn each child's name, age, favourite activities, and any allergies or medical conditions in the first day or two. Children warm up faster to someone who remembers that they love dinosaurs or hate peas.
Pro tip: Write down key details about each child in your notebook — you'll be surprised how much there is to remember when there are multiple children.
Be punctual and reliable from day one
First impressions matter. Be ready to start on time every morning, follow through on what you say you'll do, and let the family know immediately if something comes up. Reliability is the single most valued trait families look for in an au pair.
Pro tip: Set alarms for the first week until your internal clock adjusts to the household rhythm.
Keep a notebook
Write down routines, allergies, emergency contacts, school gate codes, favourite meals, and any preferences the family shares with you. You won't remember everything from day one, and having it written down shows you're taking the role seriously.
Pro tip: A small pocket notebook works perfectly. Review it each evening during the first week to reinforce what you've learned.
Communicate openly
If something isn't working — your hours are different from what was agreed, you're uncomfortable with a task, or you're feeling overwhelmed — say so early. Most issues are easy to resolve when raised promptly. Letting them build up leads to resentment.
Pro tip: Use "I" statements: "I'm finding bedtime difficult because..." works better than "The children don't listen to me."
Take initiative — but ask before making changes
Families appreciate an au pair who notices things and helps proactively — tidying up after play, preparing a healthy snack, suggesting an activity. But don't rearrange the kitchen or change the bedtime routine without checking first. Initiative is great; surprises aren't.
Pro tip: A good rule of thumb: if it's about the children's welfare or household rules, always check first. If it's about tidying up or being helpful, go ahead.
Red Flags to Watch For
For Families
- ✗Au pair is consistently late or unreachable during work hours
- ✗Unwillingness to follow agreed routines or house rules
- ✗Dishonesty about experience, qualifications, or past employment
- ✗Discomfort around the children or impatience with age-appropriate behaviour
- ✗Refusal to complete verification checks when asked
For Au Pairs
- ✗Family changes agreed hours, duties, or salary without discussion
- ✗No written contract or reluctance to put terms in writing
- ✗Inappropriate requests outside of childcare duties
- ✗Isolation from friends, family, or outside contact
- ✗Withholding pay or threatening dismissal as a control tactic
If any of these apply to you, contact the CCMA (0861 200 727) or the Department of Labour (012 309 4000). Both services are free.
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