Au Pair References: 7 Questions, Templates, and How to Check Them

You usually want to have two references for an au pair application: one about childcare and one about character. Referees should normally be people outside the family, and each reference should come with real contact details and specific examples, not just warm words. Below, you’ll find copy-ready templates and a quick checklist to help you sort solid references from the shaky ones.

TL;DR:

• A childcare reference should list children’s ages, care dates, duties, and a specific problem the au pair handled; a character reference should address trust and disagreements.
• Ask referees about reliability, initiative, response to feedback, difficult situations, and whether they would recommend the au pair, then leave room for unsolicited comments.
• For informal babysitting, parents or clients can serve as referees if they describe observed care; email suits overseas contacts, while video calls can fill gaps.
• Check vague claims, mismatched dates, and missing examples of direct childcare against the au pair’s account; these concerns warrant questions, not automatic rejection.

Table of Contents

• Quick checklist: the minimum reference items to gather
• Who can give a reference and how to choose referees
• Reference questions: exactly what to ask referees
• Reference templates and examples you can copy
• How to verify and follow up on references
• Practical advice from a family-matching viewpoint
• FAQ
• Sources

Quick checklist: the minimum reference items to gather

Before you move forward with any au pair, it’s worth checking that the references on the table actually hold up. A good reference isn’t just a nice note, it’s a document with enough detail to be useful.

• At least two references: one focused on childcare experience, one on general character, ideally from a former employer or host family.
• Referee’s full name, phone number or email, and how they know the au pair.
• Dates of the relationship and what kind of care or work was involved.
• A signed letter, a completed form, or even a clear email works, as long as it’s traceable back to a real person.
• Keep a saved copy (PDF or screenshot) so you’re not relying on memory later.

The International Au Pair Association recommends this mix: two references, one tied to childcare and one to character, with the referee’s name and address included. Treat that as your baseline, not the ceiling.

Who can give a reference and how to choose referees

The best referees are people who watched the au pair actually do the job, not just people who like them. Former employers, host families and direct supervisors carry more weight than a family friend who’s never seen them look after a child.

• Prioritise former host families, employers or supervisors over relatives.
• Avoid close family members as the sole reference, since they can’t speak to professional behaviour.
• If the work was informal babysitting rather than a formal placement, parents or regular clients who saw the care happening still count, just ask them to be specific.
• For referees overseas or hard to reach, email works fine, and a short video call can fill in gaps a written note misses.

Pro Tip: If a referee is slow to respond, send two or three short questions by email rather than asking for a full letter. You’ll get a faster, more honest reply.

Reference questions: exactly what to ask referees

Generic questions get generic answers. The more specific your prompts, the more useful the reference becomes, whether you’re filling in a form, writing an email, or making a call.

1. How long did the au pair work with your family, and what were their main duties?
2. How reliable were they with timing, routines and commitments?
3. Can you describe a time they showed initiative without being asked?
4. How did they respond when given feedback or asked to change something?
5. What ages of children did they care for, and how did they handle daily routines like meals, homework or bedtime?
6. Can you share an example of a difficult situation they handled well, such as a tantrum, an injury or a scheduling change?
7. Would you recommend them to another family, and is there anything you’d want us to know before we decide?

Leave space for free comments after the last question. That open field often surfaces the detail a checklist can’t.

Reference templates and examples you can copy

A template takes the guesswork out of writing or reading a reference. Here’s a simple structure for both types, plus what a filled-in version looks like.

Childcare reference template needs: referee name and contact, relationship to the au pair, dates of care, ages of children, main duties, one specific example of problem-solving, and an overall recommendation.

Character reference template focuses on trust rather than tasks: how the au pair interacted with adults in the household, whether they were honest and punctual, how they handled disagreements, and whether the referee would welcome them back.

A sample completed reference might read: “Maria cared for our two children, aged four and seven, for eight months. She managed school pickups, homework and bedtime routines without supervision, and when our son had a minor fall at the park, she stayed calm, treated the scrape and called us immediately.” Save a copy of anything like this the moment you receive it.

How to verify and follow up on references

Reading a reference is only half the job. A quick three-step follow-up turns a written note into something you can actually trust: read it closely, prepare two or three follow-up questions, then call.

• Read the written reference first and note anything vague or unusually generic.
• Prepare specific follow-up questions based on gaps you spotted.
• Call the referee, keep it short, and write down their answers straight after the call.

Watch for vague answers that avoid specifics, dates that don’t line up with the au pair’s own account, or an absence of direct-care examples when the reference claims hands-on childcare. None of these automatically rule someone out, but they’re worth a direct question.

Pro Tip: Combine what you hear on the reference call with how the au pair came across in your own interview. A strong reference paired with a shaky interview, or the reverse, tells you something worth exploring further.

Practical advice from a family-matching viewpoint

If there’s one thing worth remembering, it’s this: a reference full of specific childcare examples beats a glowing but generic one every time. “She was wonderful with my kids” tells you far less than “she handled a toddler’s meltdown at the shops calmly and without fuss.”

References are one piece of the puzzle. Pair them with a proper conversation, and trust what you hear in both.

— Nicole

FAQ

Is an au pair cheaper than a nanny?

Au pair arrangements often work out more affordable than hiring a nanny, mainly because of live-in arrangements and shared household costs, though exact figures depend on hours, location and the family’s own setup. Use our Au Pair Salary Calculator to compare likely costs for your own situation rather than relying on a single fixed number.

What is the job description of an au pair?

An au pair typically provides childcare support within a host family, including school runs, meals, homework help and bedtime routines, in exchange for accommodation and a living allowance. The exact duties vary by household, so most families and au pairs agree on specifics in writing before the placement starts.

Can you provide an example of an au pair profile?

A typical profile includes the au pair’s experience with specific age groups, availability, location, and a short personal introduction, alongside reference details. On our platform, profiles are reviewed for completeness before going live, so you can expect consistent formatting and enough detail to assess fit at a glance.

What are au pairs not allowed to do?

Rules vary by country and by the specific visa or work arrangement in place, so there’s no single universal list. As a general principle, au pairs are expected to stick to the childcare and light household duties agreed with the family, and anything outside that scope should be discussed and agreed upfront rather than assumed.

Recommended

• Copy Ready Au Pair Interview Questions for South African Parents
• Family Safety Guide — Vetting Your Au Pair

Quick note: This was written with AI, and then reviewed by our lovely team of 4. We’ve edited to make sure it doesn’t sound like a computer wrote it, but if it reads more robot overlord than human copywriter please let us know. 😊